Tag Archives: needle felting

My Fantastic Leap Day Invention

29 Feb

Happy leap day, y'all!

It’s leap day!!!!!!!!! Woooohooooo!!!!  I know, I know, my last post also looks like it’s from leap day, but it was actually written on leap day eve.  The problem is, I couldn’t (or didn’t) set the proper time on my internet website post-a-bloggie thingie.

I swear I am the master of at least 3 electronic devices, the dvr is my biatch, seriously. But it seems I can’t set a clock.  So sometimes I have the skill set of a techno gadget geek (ok, not really). But most of the time I’ve got the skill set of a gerbil.  No wait, maybe slightly more refined than a gerbil, a weasel!  No, no, no, weasels have a negative connotation… let’s split the difference and go with ferret.  Skill set of a ferret. I know, what’s a girl to do?

I’ve already confessed that I take technology notes so that I appear to be savvy, and it’s true. But when I ask someone to explain these things to me I say something like this, “So Bill, explain this to me as if I were a common idiot.”  *wink wink*  I suggest this because I AM a common idiot, but I like to masquerade as a professional, tech-savvy adult. Even though I am challenged, I have invented something fantastic!  Of course, it’s a low tech invention, but it’s totally usable in daily life.

First, a little back story.  When I was a child, the carpet in our house would frequently turn to lava. When this happened I’d have to leap from rug to rug to remain unharmed.  It was a tough childhood, full of danger.  However, one of the most dangerous things was the monster under my bed. I had to take a running leap from the hallway and hoped to make it into my bed without smashing my shins on the foot board.  Then I’d lie there, as still as a corpse, but I could still hear him breathing. He was so keen, so cunning, that he would breathe EXACTLY when I did.  If I held my breath, he held his breath, if I had a bit of a wheeze, he had a wheeze, it was terrifying. If only someone had invented this awesomeness lo these many years ago!

Hee hee, I'm friendly!!!

Behold! A friendly monster!  All you have to do to evict your current monster is invite this guy to live under your bed!  That’s right folks, the answer is that simple!  Everyone knows that the spooky old monsters you currently have are squatters. They’re not paying rent to live there!  Why not welcome this monster to live under there, and then you’ll know exactly who is breathing under your bed, and he’ll be your pal.  He’ll sign a lease for as many years as you’d like, and he’ll keep the place neat.  I mean, as neat as he can with all the stuff that pesky kids shove under a bed.

Everyone knows that monsters are highly territorial, but they also respect a landlord/tenant relationship.  Place your friendly monster under the bed before you go to sleep, and you’ll rest like you’ve never rested before.  Trust me on this one!

Back Off My Man!

9 Feb

I keep very little of what I make- I just have to make stuff.  If I kept all this stuff, we’d need to add another wing to the house.  While I was wishing for snow this mild winter, I made a snowman for my Etsy shop.  Then I was like, “Awwwwww,” and I decided to keep him.  That chubby round bottom, the little coal eyes, the top hat.  Ahhhh!!!!  The cuteness is killing me, it’s burning my eyes!!!!  Ok, so then I made another one, and I kept him too.  Then another, and another, and another… and I kept ’em!  That’s right, I kept all of these guys.  They’re all mine! Mine, I say!!!

Stop it! I can see what you’re doing right now.  You’re scanning them and picking your favorite, aren’t you?  Back off my snowmen, man!  Your favorite is MY favorite.  No, no, your second favorite is also my favorite.  Even that one with one skinny branch hand and one fat branch hand- that one is also my favorite.  Just back away slowly, and no one gets hurt.  That’s right, I’ve got a snowball.  I’ve got a snowball that I’m aiming in your direction, and I’m not afraid to use it.

An Interview With Buttercup

30 Jan

Cute, but getting on my last nerve.

 

Hi, I’m Tina, and I like to interview inanimate objects.  Don’t judge me!  Have you ever tried it?  Well, then don’t knock it.  I figure some people would rather get to know a critter before deciding to bring them into their home, so it’s only fair that I introduce you guys.  Picture me as Barbara Walters.  No, no, no.  Picture me as Oprah!  No, scratch that.  Picture me as some weirdo in her pajamas.  There you go, I’m all about honesty here.  Without further ado, allow me to introduce Buttercup, a lovely little needle felted owl.  She lives at my place, but really wants her independence.  She’s at that age.  Here we go…

Me: Good evening, Buttercup. How are you?
BC: I’m fine, but I have decided to change my name.
Me: Oh, really? What is the new name?
BC: Raven.
Me: Oh, that’s surprising. When I think of the name Raven I tend to think of a black bird, not a yellow owl.
BC: That’s because you’re racist.
Me: Woah! What?! That is a serious accusation.  I am absolutely not racist.
BC: Well, then you’re bird-ist.
Me: I don’t think bird-ist is a word, but if it were, I wouldn’t be that either. I’m just saying that Raven, while being a first name, is also a specific type of bird. Kinda like choosing the name Robin or Wren might be strange.   If you looked up Raven in the dictionary, you’d see a picture of a black bird.  That’s all I’m saying, that name has a connotation that I thought maybe you weren’t aware of.  See what I mean?
BC: No, I see nothing wrong with an owl named Raven or Robin or Wren.  You are trying to oppress me.
Me: You know what, this interview is going nowhere fast. How about we end it here and we’ll just do this another day- okay?
BC: Oh, so now you just run away from what makes you uncomfortable, is that what it is?  You just start something and then walk away from it, huh?
Me: No, not really, I just had planned on a more fun and light hearted interview. I think that’s more what readers are looking for. This is kinda like watching two people disagree, and that isn’t comfortable for most people. I was hoping your sweet personality would show through. This kind of attitude probably won’t get you adopted very quickly if you know what I mean.
BC: OMG! Now your’e trying to GET RID OF ME?!  This is all a ploy to unload me onto some STRANGER?!?!
Me: *clears throat* This concludes our little chat.  Please join us for more interviews at a later date.
BC: Oh, now you’re ignoring me?!! I see how it is.

 

A Very Zombie Valentine

29 Jan

mmmm, tastes like brains!

 

Howdy, y’all!  I have a sneaking suspicion you may be here looking for some zombie candy awesomeness, and you’re in the right spot.  If you’re looking for a daily dose of weird and wacky, then you’re also in the right spot!  I’m flattered that you’re here, and you know what would flatter me even more?  Can I be totally honest? I’d like it if you’d like me on Facebook.  There is a little like button over there to your right.

I’m totally shameless, and if you like me on Facebook I will give you one thousand smoochy kisses!!!

Oops, wait a second.  My husband said ix-nay on the oochy-smay isses-kay. Well, let’s see, time for plan B.  If you like me on Facebook I will smile.  Wow, that’s lame.  Ok, if you like me on Facebook I will… I will… I will name my first born child after you!  Dang it, I got vetoed on that one too.  Anyway, if you like me on Facebook I will like it.  I’ll  get back to you with what else will happen. I will marinate and ruminate, and procrastinate.  That’s about all I can say with you know who reading over my shoulder.  So go ahead and like me, and have faith that good things will come.  Or weird things will come.  Or at least you will get one more click out of your click-tastic mouse.

Hey, It’s That Valentine Guy!

23 Jan

Hey there, good looking!

This needle felted valentine heart is totally into you, and who can blame him?!  You’re the whole package, and everyone can tell- just sayin’.

I was out to make some calorie free valentines, you know, for those of us watching our figures.  The only problem is, I had to do something with the candy that came in this heart-shaped box… so much for my figure.  But YOUR figure is more important here, right?  Oh wait, did you think I was calling you fat?  Noooooo… well, maybe, but mostly no.  And now I think I’m digging myself a hole here, so I’m gonna call it quits on this post.  Happy early Valentine’s Day anyway!  Maybe you and I can mend our relationship over candy, because you can absolutely afford the calories.

Candy? What Candy?

18 Jan

mmmmmm, brain filling!

I bought a box of Valentine candy and brought it home.  It sat there on the counter, just looking at me.  Then somehow I totally, accidentally, unexpectedly, and other words that end in -ly, opened it.  Then I decided to just have a peek in there.  I mean, it was open, I had to check it out.

First, I threw away the coconut one.  Come on, everyone knows that one is trash!  If you’re that renegade coconut lover, let me know, and I’ll save ’em up for you.  Then, I had the caramel one, because that one is my favorite.  And then… well, I’m not sure you need me to go on.  The good news is, I’ve replaced the chocolates with zombie and monstery goodness!  Coming soon to an etsy shop near you!

 

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