Tag Archives: inventions

My Fantastic Leap Day Invention

29 Feb

Happy leap day, y'all!

It’s leap day!!!!!!!!! Woooohooooo!!!!  I know, I know, my last post also looks like it’s from leap day, but it was actually written on leap day eve.  The problem is, I couldn’t (or didn’t) set the proper time on my internet website post-a-bloggie thingie.

I swear I am the master of at least 3 electronic devices, the dvr is my biatch, seriously. But it seems I can’t set a clock.  So sometimes I have the skill set of a techno gadget geek (ok, not really). But most of the time I’ve got the skill set of a gerbil.  No wait, maybe slightly more refined than a gerbil, a weasel!  No, no, no, weasels have a negative connotation… let’s split the difference and go with ferret.  Skill set of a ferret. I know, what’s a girl to do?

I’ve already confessed that I take technology notes so that I appear to be savvy, and it’s true. But when I ask someone to explain these things to me I say something like this, “So Bill, explain this to me as if I were a common idiot.”  *wink wink*  I suggest this because I AM a common idiot, but I like to masquerade as a professional, tech-savvy adult. Even though I am challenged, I have invented something fantastic!  Of course, it’s a low tech invention, but it’s totally usable in daily life.

First, a little back story.  When I was a child, the carpet in our house would frequently turn to lava. When this happened I’d have to leap from rug to rug to remain unharmed.  It was a tough childhood, full of danger.  However, one of the most dangerous things was the monster under my bed. I had to take a running leap from the hallway and hoped to make it into my bed without smashing my shins on the foot board.  Then I’d lie there, as still as a corpse, but I could still hear him breathing. He was so keen, so cunning, that he would breathe EXACTLY when I did.  If I held my breath, he held his breath, if I had a bit of a wheeze, he had a wheeze, it was terrifying. If only someone had invented this awesomeness lo these many years ago!

Hee hee, I'm friendly!!!

Behold! A friendly monster!  All you have to do to evict your current monster is invite this guy to live under your bed!  That’s right folks, the answer is that simple!  Everyone knows that the spooky old monsters you currently have are squatters. They’re not paying rent to live there!  Why not welcome this monster to live under there, and then you’ll know exactly who is breathing under your bed, and he’ll be your pal.  He’ll sign a lease for as many years as you’d like, and he’ll keep the place neat.  I mean, as neat as he can with all the stuff that pesky kids shove under a bed.

Everyone knows that monsters are highly territorial, but they also respect a landlord/tenant relationship.  Place your friendly monster under the bed before you go to sleep, and you’ll rest like you’ve never rested before.  Trust me on this one!


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