Hey, It’s That Valentine Guy!

23 Jan

Hey there, good looking!

This needle felted valentine heart is totally into you, and who can blame him?!  You’re the whole package, and everyone can tell- just sayin’.

I was out to make some calorie free valentines, you know, for those of us watching our figures.  The only problem is, I had to do something with the candy that came in this heart-shaped box… so much for my figure.  But YOUR figure is more important here, right?  Oh wait, did you think I was calling you fat?  Noooooo… well, maybe, but mostly no.  And now I think I’m digging myself a hole here, so I’m gonna call it quits on this post.  Happy early Valentine’s Day anyway!  Maybe you and I can mend our relationship over candy, because you can absolutely afford the calories.

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How to Choose the Perfect Wine Glass

22 Jan

Chateau Elan

This is a photo of Chateau Elan, it’s a lovely winery and spa not too far from our place.  It’s here that I have found my favorite wine, well, if you can call it wine.  I am not an expert on wine by any means.  But I am an expert of what I like, and what I like is pretty much grape juice for grown ups.  I like sweet white wine, and my current favorite is Chateau Elan’s Muscadine.  They also have a delicious peach wine, and berry wine.  Some of you will turn up your noses, and that’s fine.  Just don’t go telling me about how wine is supposed to be this and that and dry with chocolate undertones and all that jazz.  Don’t go hatin’ on me, you may guzzle whatever you choose.  All I’m saying is this- if you’re coming to dinner, bring a bottle of what you like, and we’ll pop that bad boy open.

Wine drinking is serious business in some circles.  In fact, there are countless articles written about choosing the proper glass for your wine.  Buy the best you can afford, use larger glasses for reds, champagne goes in a skinny little flute, etc, etc.  I expertly chose a long stemmed glass with a wide-mouth for my beverage of choice.  I’m sure you’re on the edge of your seat wondering why.  No?  Well, I’ll tell you anyway.  My nose fits in it.

That’s right, I have a big nose.  You wanna make something of it?  For me, the most important feature of a wine glass is being able to fit my big schnoz in there so that I may drink comfortably.  That’s it.  Are you disappointed?  Well… then maybe you should have quit reading up where I said I’m no wine expert!  I hope you’re not afflicted with big-nose-itis as I am, but now you’re aware.  Maybe you have a friend who comes to mind when you think of this issue.  Give ’em a wide glass, trust me, they’ll thank you for it!

 

Blackout Date

19 Jan

I’ve censored the following, in protest of a bill that gives any corporation and the US government the power to censor the internet–a bill that could pass THIS WEEK. To see the uncensored text, and to stop internet censorship, visit:
http://americancensorship.org/posts/47114/uncensor
I ████ the ████████ █████ ████! If I █████, I █████ ████ it on the ████. And the ████████ is so █████████ ███████ of our ██████ ███████. ████████ ██████ ██████ is a █████████ █████, but █████ so at the ███████ of our ████ ██████ is not. ██████ █████ ██████████████████.org to █████ ████. ████ ████ ███████ ████ to ███████ ████ ███████████████.

Candy? What Candy?

18 Jan

mmmmmm, brain filling!

I bought a box of Valentine candy and brought it home.  It sat there on the counter, just looking at me.  Then somehow I totally, accidentally, unexpectedly, and other words that end in -ly, opened it.  Then I decided to just have a peek in there.  I mean, it was open, I had to check it out.

First, I threw away the coconut one.  Come on, everyone knows that one is trash!  If you’re that renegade coconut lover, let me know, and I’ll save ’em up for you.  Then, I had the caramel one, because that one is my favorite.  And then… well, I’m not sure you need me to go on.  The good news is, I’ve replaced the chocolates with zombie and monstery goodness!  Coming soon to an etsy shop near you!

 

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Anticipation

17 Jan

What could it be?!

I looooove anticipation.  I love it almost as much as the main event.  Actually, sometimes I love it even more than the main event.  That’s partly why I was so excited to come home yesterday and see these presents sitting on the hearth.

My birthday is about 2 weeks away, and these boxes are staring at me, and I kinda like it.  The gold box is heavy, and I know it is something that plugs in.  I know this because my husband loves things that plug in.  He gets cool plugger-inner things for me, then teaches me how to use them.  It’s a fantastic system, and it gives me an air of being tech-savvy.  Then people are like, “Oooh- can you fix my whatchamacallit?!”  And I’m all, “No.”

That’s because it’s all a lie.  I just masquerade as someone who knows how to use that fancy universal remote.  I am not kidding when I say I take notes and email them to myself.  Then when I forget how to use my gadget I don’t have to fess up, I just look it up and go quietly along.   I’m pretty sure that the purple one is not electronic, but you never can tell.  It could be an accessory, a book, a cd, a dvd, it could be, it could be… a pony!  But for now, it’s the anticipation of something fantastic, and that is a bonus gift in itself.

I Won’t Judge You

15 Jan
little blue licking monster

Poor Choices

We are friends here, right?  And as friends, we don’t have to pretend to be perfect.  Heck, we don’t even have to try, because everybody knows it’s a losing battle.  Here’s what I’m saying, go ahead and do some dumb things, make some poor choices, walk through life without thinking.  And know this, I won’t judge you for it.  I may shake my head, but that’s just a nervous tick, not a statement.

I was going to interview this little blue monster, but as soon as I sat down, he had licked a frozen window and was rendered speechless.  Le sigh, I love him anyway.  And I love you too, dear reader.  What?  Too soon?  Ok, I like you just enough… and that’s the truth.

I’m Back, Bitches!

14 Jan

Wait a minute, I said there would be no cussing on this site, and someone broke the rules right out of the gate!   I could even edit it and remove that, but I’m not, and that is even more disappointing.

The point is, I’m back with a brand new site, all kinds of new crafty goodness, and I may even have a laugh or two in store for you.  I don’t want to sound bossy here, but come back often to see what’s new.   You can always go lurk around my old blog if you feel like it.  It’s kinda lonely over there, but I don’t mind you if you want to be by yourself for a while.

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