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I Get Communism From This Dress

25 Feb

Is next... evening wear.

Can we talk Project Runway for a second?  I am a huge PR fan, and I won’t bore you with my opinions, but I have to talk a little bit about this most recent episode.

One of the PR teasers this week was a clip of Isaac Mizrahi saying, “I get communism from this dress,” and it had me reeeeallllly curious as to what the communist dress would look like.  In my mind, it could be nothing other than a plain grey dress with a matching kerchief.


This has to be one of my all time favorite commercials.  I don’t remember it being on television, but way back when, there was a game called Commercial Crazies.  It came with a VHS tape to watch that contained all kinds of funny ads.  It was way too hard to play the actual game, but it was fun to just sit and watch all the commercials on the accompanying video tape.  This fashion show was just one of them.  Dang, now I’m all nostalgic and want to see that tape again.  But I digress…

Whoops, I lied! It turns out that I am going to bore you with my opinions, but just for a teensy bit, okay?  Wait a second here, I can make it less of a lie if  I pretend like you’re curious about my opinion.  Here we go.

Was Mila’s dress that terrible?  Kinda.  Was Jerell’s dress just as bad?  Absolutely.  They both looked more like costumes to me.  But I know at least one of them will sell if Wendy’s decides to remake this ad campaign.

Monster Pile-Up

21 Feb

I’ve been busy, and I’ve got a bunch of new items to put up in the the shop.  If you look over there today, you’ll see a new set of lungs.  That’s right, I said lungs.  I mean, they won’t work if you need them surgically, but they’re novelty lungs.  I’ve got some new monsters in days to come too.

Here’s the thing- you’re taking on great responsibility when you adopt a monster or zombie.  It is your job to make sure they can’t get out into the world and cause destruction.  It’s serious stuff, and I know you don’t take it lightly.  Consider the responsibility I feel as their keeper. You could be a nut job, and I’m entrusting you with zombies.  I mean, I don’t even know you people!  One of you just waltzes up and goes, “I’ll take ’em!”  and I’m all, “Okey dokey!”  Can you believe that?

Now think about this-  I have to live with that!


Valentine Good and Evil

12 Feb

Valentine goodies- score!!

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and as I cruised through the Target dollar spot I found some fun little stuff for kiddos. I am completely smitten with my BFF’s two daughters.  Yes, I have BFF, and no, I’m not 12 years old… thanks for asking.  They are sweet, and cute, and I like to send some fun mail now and then.  Grown up mail is all bills and advertising, that’s why kid mail is so awesome, it’s presents and FUN stuff!

I like to wrap everything individually, I always have. For one, it looks super cute like this. Second, it takes longer to open everything when it’s all wrapped and tied up with bows. And my third reason is the evil one… I put confetti in all these packages- every single one. I know, it’s not right, but it’s fun! Well, fun for me I mean. It will make their mother think about our friendship and what she may have done to wrong me. There’s nothing that she did, it’s just a character flaw of mine.

You know the cartoons where a person has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? Well, my angel says, “Send a little Valentine package to those sweet girls.” and I agree with the angel. Then the devil says, “Boobie trap and rig up that package to put glittery confetti allllll over their house!!” And then i agree with the devil.  So that’s where we stand- a Jekyll and Hyde Valentine extravaganza!!

Back Off My Man!

9 Feb

I keep very little of what I make- I just have to make stuff.  If I kept all this stuff, we’d need to add another wing to the house.  While I was wishing for snow this mild winter, I made a snowman for my Etsy shop.  Then I was like, “Awwwwww,” and I decided to keep him.  That chubby round bottom, the little coal eyes, the top hat.  Ahhhh!!!!  The cuteness is killing me, it’s burning my eyes!!!!  Ok, so then I made another one, and I kept him too.  Then another, and another, and another… and I kept ’em!  That’s right, I kept all of these guys.  They’re all mine! Mine, I say!!!

Stop it! I can see what you’re doing right now.  You’re scanning them and picking your favorite, aren’t you?  Back off my snowmen, man!  Your favorite is MY favorite.  No, no, your second favorite is also my favorite.  Even that one with one skinny branch hand and one fat branch hand- that one is also my favorite.  Just back away slowly, and no one gets hurt.  That’s right, I’ve got a snowball.  I’ve got a snowball that I’m aiming in your direction, and I’m not afraid to use it.

It’s My Birthday!!!!!!!!!

2 Feb
Party animal! Er… monster.
It’s my birthday, and what am I doing?  Well, I’m sure as heck not working, and I’m sure as heck not cooking.  I’m going to be lazy and just hang around needle felting some eyeballs and zombies.  I’m sure that’s what most Americans do, right?  I’m going to do more than that though.  If you feel like it, check out The Birthday Project.
If I could give my official groundhog report, I’d say spring is on the way.  But come on, we’ve had no winter to speak of, so how could spring not be on the way?  Last year at this time I was visiting my folks up in Ohio, and we were covered with a good 3 inches of ice.  I spent my birthday trying to chip my way into a car.  Then I fell on my butt and bruised my something or other, and winced around all day.  It was awesome.  I mean, I love winter. I’m not kidding about that, but the ice was a bit much- even for me. 
If you’re a summer lover, I will trade you all my summer for your winter.  You can take summer and stick it where the sun don’t shine, and I’m not kidding about that either.  Was that rude?  Well, maybe… but it’s my birthday!  Whatcha gonna do about it?! !  Mmmmhmmmm… that’s what I thought.

A Very Zombie Valentine

29 Jan

mmmm, tastes like brains!


Howdy, y’all!  I have a sneaking suspicion you may be here looking for some zombie candy awesomeness, and you’re in the right spot.  If you’re looking for a daily dose of weird and wacky, then you’re also in the right spot!  I’m flattered that you’re here, and you know what would flatter me even more?  Can I be totally honest? I’d like it if you’d like me on Facebook.  There is a little like button over there to your right.

I’m totally shameless, and if you like me on Facebook I will give you one thousand smoochy kisses!!!

Oops, wait a second.  My husband said ix-nay on the oochy-smay isses-kay. Well, let’s see, time for plan B.  If you like me on Facebook I will smile.  Wow, that’s lame.  Ok, if you like me on Facebook I will… I will… I will name my first born child after you!  Dang it, I got vetoed on that one too.  Anyway, if you like me on Facebook I will like it.  I’ll  get back to you with what else will happen. I will marinate and ruminate, and procrastinate.  That’s about all I can say with you know who reading over my shoulder.  So go ahead and like me, and have faith that good things will come.  Or weird things will come.  Or at least you will get one more click out of your click-tastic mouse.

Should Have Called Her Grandma

27 Jan

heeeere granny granny granny

This is my sweet pupster, and her name is Trixie.  It was a tough task to name this little girl, heaven help us if we ever need to name a human! I kinda wanted to name her something funny.  Something like Kitty, Bunny, Lily, or my favorite… Grandma.   I really think Grandma is a hilarious dog name for so many reasons.  Think of the things you say about your dog, and now sub Grandma for your dog’s name.  Funny- right?!

Aw man, Grandma is dragging her butt on the carpet again.  Yikes, what’s that smell?  I think Grandma needs a bath.  Granny’s beard is getting kinda long, time for a trim!  Oh no, Grandma pooped in her crate- bad Grandma! Bad!  Grandma is out of kibble, we need more granny chow.  Picture yourself yelling “GRAAAANDMAAAAAAA!  COME!” out the front door.  Or asking your neighbors if they’ve seen Grandma, seems she ran away again.  Probably chasing the UPS truck.

I got a good laugh out of it, but then it came down to really naming her.  When we saw that sweet little puppy face, that teensy little waggy tail, we just couldn’t do it.   We were going through names, favorite tv characters, etc.  We decided on Trixie after going through the characters on HBO’s Deadwood.  I am not sure I should tell you that the character named Trixie is a prostitute… but I think I just did.


And So It Begins…

25 Jan

A bevy of beans

We are not big bean eaters around here. In fact, we are not bean eaters at all. I’ve just never been a fan of any bean. They seem like little pouches full of grit, and I don’t see how that’s appealing. As a child, I just swallowed them like pills, or tried to hide them in my napkin. Eventually my folks would just zip my bowl of chili through the blender first.

For some reason, I’ve decided that we’re old enough to just get over the bean phobia and start eating them. They are a good source of fiber and protein, and it just seems like I’m too old to say I don’t like them. I’m still not sure I’ll ever work up to eating straight up beans on a plate, but I think I can handle working them into soup.  I’ll keep you posted on our progress, and if you’ve successfully converted a bean hater, please let me know how you did it.  I’m flying blind here.

So now it begins, 2012 will be the year of the bean, and consequently, maybe the year of the fart. Forget I said that. I’ll let you know how it goes, the bean part, not the fart part. The end.

Hey, It’s That Valentine Guy!

23 Jan

Hey there, good looking!

This needle felted valentine heart is totally into you, and who can blame him?!  You’re the whole package, and everyone can tell- just sayin’.

I was out to make some calorie free valentines, you know, for those of us watching our figures.  The only problem is, I had to do something with the candy that came in this heart-shaped box… so much for my figure.  But YOUR figure is more important here, right?  Oh wait, did you think I was calling you fat?  Noooooo… well, maybe, but mostly no.  And now I think I’m digging myself a hole here, so I’m gonna call it quits on this post.  Happy early Valentine’s Day anyway!  Maybe you and I can mend our relationship over candy, because you can absolutely afford the calories.

How to Choose the Perfect Wine Glass

22 Jan

Chateau Elan

This is a photo of Chateau Elan, it’s a lovely winery and spa not too far from our place.  It’s here that I have found my favorite wine, well, if you can call it wine.  I am not an expert on wine by any means.  But I am an expert of what I like, and what I like is pretty much grape juice for grown ups.  I like sweet white wine, and my current favorite is Chateau Elan’s Muscadine.  They also have a delicious peach wine, and berry wine.  Some of you will turn up your noses, and that’s fine.  Just don’t go telling me about how wine is supposed to be this and that and dry with chocolate undertones and all that jazz.  Don’t go hatin’ on me, you may guzzle whatever you choose.  All I’m saying is this- if you’re coming to dinner, bring a bottle of what you like, and we’ll pop that bad boy open.

Wine drinking is serious business in some circles.  In fact, there are countless articles written about choosing the proper glass for your wine.  Buy the best you can afford, use larger glasses for reds, champagne goes in a skinny little flute, etc, etc.  I expertly chose a long stemmed glass with a wide-mouth for my beverage of choice.  I’m sure you’re on the edge of your seat wondering why.  No?  Well, I’ll tell you anyway.  My nose fits in it.

That’s right, I have a big nose.  You wanna make something of it?  For me, the most important feature of a wine glass is being able to fit my big schnoz in there so that I may drink comfortably.  That’s it.  Are you disappointed?  Well… then maybe you should have quit reading up where I said I’m no wine expert!  I hope you’re not afflicted with big-nose-itis as I am, but now you’re aware.  Maybe you have a friend who comes to mind when you think of this issue.  Give ’em a wide glass, trust me, they’ll thank you for it!



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