Hi, I’m Tina, and I like to interview inanimate objects. Don’t judge me! Have you ever tried it? Well, then don’t knock it. I figure some people would rather get to know a critter before deciding to bring them into their home, so it’s only fair that I introduce you guys. Picture me as Barbara Walters. No, no, no. Picture me as Oprah! No, scratch that. Picture me as some weirdo in her pajamas. There you go, I’m all about honesty here. Without further ado, allow me to introduce Buttercup, a lovely little needle felted owl. She lives at my place, but really wants her independence. She’s at that age. Here we go…
Me: Good evening, Buttercup. How are you?
BC: I’m fine, but I have decided to change my name.
Me: Oh, really? What is the new name?
Me: Oh, that’s surprising. When I think of the name Raven I tend to think of a black bird, not a yellow owl.
BC: That’s because you’re racist.
Me: Woah! What?! That is a serious accusation. I am absolutely not racist.
BC: Well, then you’re bird-ist.
Me: I don’t think bird-ist is a word, but if it were, I wouldn’t be that either. I’m just saying that Raven, while being a first name, is also a specific type of bird. Kinda like choosing the name Robin or Wren might be strange. If you looked up Raven in the dictionary, you’d see a picture of a black bird. That’s all I’m saying, that name has a connotation that I thought maybe you weren’t aware of. See what I mean?
BC: No, I see nothing wrong with an owl named Raven or Robin or Wren. You are trying to oppress me.
Me: You know what, this interview is going nowhere fast. How about we end it here and we’ll just do this another day- okay?
BC: Oh, so now you just run away from what makes you uncomfortable, is that what it is? You just start something and then walk away from it, huh?
Me: No, not really, I just had planned on a more fun and light hearted interview. I think that’s more what readers are looking for. This is kinda like watching two people disagree, and that isn’t comfortable for most people. I was hoping your sweet personality would show through. This kind of attitude probably won’t get you adopted very quickly if you know what I mean.
BC: OMG! Now your’e trying to GET RID OF ME?! This is all a ploy to unload me onto some STRANGER?!?!
Me: *clears throat* This concludes our little chat. Please join us for more interviews at a later date.
BC: Oh, now you’re ignoring me?!! I see how it is.